No no her and but twenty years ago there was a young psychologist called Chris agress.
I'm going to search a link or a few links to his various these and his works in the had fissional materials
section of the course.
So you can do further study if you want be here.
What I'm going to do my best to do is simplify a framework that he initially offered the world.
And he referred to this as the idea of inference the right inference no me inference.
Kinda sounds like interference though Chris arborist didn't say this but I am because it makes sense
to me.
Hoping that if I say this to you is going to help you to understand all of this on a far deeper level
because this what I'm about to share with you know is kind of what makes and breaks relationships in
our life coaching level on a intimate level on a professional level on a social level Come on you understand
social dynamics don't you.
And you also understand that whilst it can take years to develop trust in a relationship for some people
it can take seconds to tear trust down.
If we don't understand this we can become more destructive in the context of our relationships than
we ever initially wanted to know.
Whilst this may not be true for us there is going to be truth for many of the people that come to you
for life coaching because they are not going to law how to move forward then and get the results of
the ultimately want to get to know in life.
We've already established that every problem has an emotional attachment to it.
But what I'm also going to say now is that every problem that we have in life also house our role Asian
or component are touched to us around.
No no you just test the water with us.
One arrived then work out for yourself if what I'm saying is true because I might just share the news
with you in this course I'm sharing with you my time life experiences truth the things that I have found
to work and the things that are found or work at all which are not beldon into the course for obvious
reasons because they're worth less.
But what I want to share with you here is what I've grown to identify over the years as their natural
order of things.
When it comes to conversations communications interactions with people when they begin falling apart
and this salada of indifference is the basis on which I deliver this presentation to you but I'm going
to unpack an hour and a very personable way.
Okay.
In a way that I have come to understand.
No.
But truly this this idea this concept to me as I'm presenting this video to your right.
No no what you are going to see behind the scenes is the preparation that I do personally before stepping
in front of the camera and teaching something like this Tia No.
1 Don't do I don't have any scripts.
I don't have any bullet points so much as all I have EVER them script at hand written so I can get it
right and present it with some pre prepared information from my gym through courses like this too.
Is to is to communicate as authentically as physically possible.
I explain this in the last section when we're talking about authenticity vs. convention centre.
So when it comes to present presenting videos or presenting some packages or frameworks for information
on any more courses there's always something that I initially intend to see saw before step in front
of the camera.
I'm just going to get clear in the mind what it is that I want to see.
I'm getting clear on my intention I'm getting clear on what it is that I want you the student or the
laron are to be taken away from this video.
I am considering what it is that I've said beforehand.
I'm also considering queried as is going to be going on to say that what I say and how I say what I
see when I see it is going to be relevant in relation to where we're at at this point in the course
thermic sense.
Now you may be thinking Jane.
That's kind of irrelevant because you know I'm not creating causes.
Well you might not be great in courses but you are taking this life coaching serve vacation program.
Therefore you are wanting to interact with other people.
So what I'm seeing here is that the process or the end goal is exactly the same.
I spend time preparing myself to communicate more effectively for you and wouldn't encourage you for
every coaching session to prepare yourself in preparation for the communication or the interaction that
you're going to have with your clients.
So what I've seen here is awesome.
Is important for any interaction or communication.
We're always clear on what our intention is.
What we mean to say what we intend to say or meaning or intention the intention.
What we have before we even open our mouths because if we are not crystal clear on this then what we
say may end up not being a particularly accurate representation of what it was that we initially meant
to see.
And have you ever put your foot in it.
Have you ever said something that you didn't mean to say.
And the answer is most likely yes.
I certainly have.
Most days I'll put my foot in it.
With most people time does not because I'm not clear on what I mean it's just sometimes I'll open my
mouth generally without thinking they were going to say I'm an imperfect man but what I am saying is
that what we say when we say what we say can often be the first point in which a communication or an
interaction begins to break down.
Because if what we say is not an accurate representation of what we meant to say then what you are is
going to be an accurate representation either of what I initially meant to say you see or you hear can
be determined by the different metaprogramming preferences.
You may be internally referencing you may be externally referenced.
You may be naturally more inclined to operate in the motional part of your brain rather than a reasonable
rational part of your brain.
So all these factors are olguin determine what you hear what you hear me say might my a complete misinterpretation
of what I actually said or am a million miles away from what I initially meant and what's true for me
is also true for you.
Think about it.
When was the last time that someone completely misinterpreted you.
And what we're talking about here is judgment.
This is just an expression of judgment.
It's absolutely crucial.
It's imperative that as life coaches therapists counsellors he may be.
The therapist may be Daniel Pkwy practitioner or just looking to develop your professional repertoire
in some way.
Coaching into the mix.
I've got no idea what your background is or what you're going to be using this information for.
But the one thing that I do know for certain is yes that all relationships are based on trust and trust
has developed over time and one surefire way of tearing down trust is by judging someone unfairly too
quickly.
And look at this what I'm talking about here.
How was it that we can judge people unfairly and incorrectly.
Well what you hear is going to determine what you assume about me what you assume say assume about what
I mean and this is what this is all new here.
By the way.
Right.
This is me.
That's you.
This is me.
You're over there.
I have some intentions.
I'm intending to communicate as openly and as authentically and as inspiringly and as passionately and
as sincerely as I possibly can and that's my goal for produce an increase in this cause.
But what you hear and what you assume can be so completely far removed from what I initially intended
that you've missed judged me and you got me wrong.
Believe it or not check of the review section of the Course there's going to be some people who've left
stankin reviews because they misinterpreted something I said in the early stage of the course.
I appreciate that a lot of your conventional wife Kooch instructors I'm not the same as their educationalists
read know it textbooks were power points because I'm not intending to sharing information with you here.
I want to help you to understand this stuff.
I use this stuff it helps me get phenomenal results and in exactly the same way.
I know that if you understand this stuff too you can begin phenomenal results all saw.
You see what I'm doing here is holding anything back.
Most people do.
You don't have to because if you understand this is going to be easy for you to see that you actually
can control whether other people judge you or whether the daunts is going to be determined on what it
is that they actually want from the relationship.
You see if you value connection then what you're naturally going to be inclined to pursue is understanding.
And if you were naturally interested in understanding someone then jumping to an assumption or a conclusion
is going to be the last thing on your mind.
No a share all this with you to help you understand and hopefully recognize and the same way that you're
judging me right.
No other people are going to judge you in exactly the same way.
I'm preparing you here.
All right.
I'm I'm actually being the nice guy I am.
So I'm also saying is that you can actually control this process you can't determine what the outcomes
are whether other people will judge you fairly or unfairly that the most important part you can play
in any communication or interaction is in the preparation that you take but you make prior to every
conversation or interaction that you.
But you step into that you know.
Yeah.
Did you get involved then if you're crystal clear on what it is that you mean then you're going to do
your best to take your time to communicate and see the thanes communicate the words illustrate the points
that you were intending to make as accurately as possible in us our creative way as you physically can.
I'm doing the best here and lead by example.
But what I can't determine is whether you judge me or not are in the same way you can't determine whether
they judge you or not.
So coming back to the theory Chris are gross ladder of inference are simplified here but I've hopefully
communicated it in a way that makes a little bit more sense because I found out a little bit complex
a little bit complicated behaviour.
Most psychological frameworks are sort of four levels and stages of any communication.
There is what we mean before we say what we say that that's what we say what we say or what I say is
going to be determined by what you hear.
And then there's going to be how you interpret what you think I'm seeing and what you think I'm meaning.
No.
There is one way.
There is one remedy.
In worst you can't control or influence how other people are towards you.
You are in complete control of how it is that you are to them.
So f in an interaction with a client or a family member a loved one friend whatever someone says something
that doesn't sit right with you that might offend you that might upset you might that's what you can
do is you can respond emotionally.
And I think you're saying this and you can you can voice your opinion or or react in what may be an
you know an appropriate or inappropriate way or you can get clarity on what the person's initial intention
was which is what I'm going to strongly urge you to do.
And we do it by simply repeating what it is we think we heard repeating back in any conversation we
would respond to anything that we're uncertain about with could just stop you for a moment.
Our hands are up.
We come in peace.
I herridge you see this.
But I'm not sure what you meant by that.
Could you please just take a few moments to help me understand what you mean.
And this is possibly one of the greatest tools and insights that you could actually take away from this
entire course is the patients is the self-control and willingness to not jump to conclusions or assumptions
about what people's intentions are.
Because if you do this they're going to walk out the door and they're never going to come back to you.
Trust me I've learned this lesson the hard way.
So you don't have to hun's UP.
Sometimes people are going to communicate and talk.
It's such a rapid pace.
But when your hands are up you come in peace your pose no threat.
Sorry sorry sorry.
Just give a little bit lost here.
You said this and that's the point of which I got stuck.
Could you just just help me to understand exactly what you meant when you said what you said and this
will just help you to completely clear up any confusion any misconceptions any misinterpretations that
you've already made which you are going to make because you're an imperfect human being.
But on the flip side of the coin is going to also preserve the trust in the relationship and in an indirect
way low this other person your current client to begin trusting you respecting you and admiring you
on a far deeper level because I know what you've shown them is that you know just trying to coach them
would be their guru.
But yeah I actually want to understand them because you have value and respect the relationship.
So any additional material section there is a small mini workbook explanation fact she can explain all
this.
I hope this makes sense.
But more than anything else I hope we get out there and start playing this stuff because these are know
the frameworks that we need to be aware of that you don't have to take notes about the stuff.
Just be aware of it and get out and start practicing it today.
If you've got a family member a husband the wife a boyfriend girlfriend.
Seriously just be aware of how quickly it is that you respond or react to things people say don't stop
yourself.
Alright you told you what you need to do and begin committing to asking for more information.
If you're not crystal clear of what someone's intentions are then just simply get better asking for
more information please because this is one great way of developing trust and it's another phenomenal
way of preserving relationships.
Make sense.
I look forward to seeing you again in the next club.